Thanksgiving has rolled around once again, wedged underwhelmingly in between Halloween and Christmas. Thanksgiving break tends to vary in excitement, but regardless of whether you spend the week in Hawaii, in your Grandma’s condo, or at home binge-watching “How I Met Your Mother,” there’s one thing that you can count upon: Thanksgiving dinner, that cornucopia of traditional American fare. Here I’ll provide an unnecessary analysis of what typically shows up on the table.

Turkey: What’s Thanksgiving without turkey? It just wouldn’t be the same without a massive bird carcass to feast upon, and then use as leftovers for two weeks afterwards. I weep for vegetarians, or anyone who has had to endure a tofu turkey because of meat-shunning family members.

Stuffing: I never really understood stuffing. You chop up a bunch of bread, dump in oil and vegetables until it’s all weird and spongy, and then stuff it inside a turkey. Why? I don’t see the appeal. And people hardly ever actually stuff the stuffing into the turkey, but they still call it stuffing. It makes no sense.

Green beans: There’s not really anything to say about green beans. They’re just kind of there.

Mashed potatoes: Another staple of Thanksgiving dinner, second only to the turkey. These are purportedly vegetables, though they really aren’t seeing as they’re made entirely of starch. Whatever they are, they’re fantastic, especially with gravy. Eat up, and don’t let your annoying cousins hog it all.

Cranberries: Cranberry sauce is awesome, albeit a bit sour. You can either scoop it out of a can or you can make it very easily yourself by dumping cranberries, orange zest, and copious amount of sugar into a saucepan and boiling it. Choose wisely.

Corn: Who has corn at Thanksgiving? What is this, a barbeque? I’ve heard of people doing this, but I don’t know why.

Pumpkin pie: Pure bliss. There’s nothing better to end the meal with, and even if you feel like you’re going to burst you’ll still enjoy a slice. Substitutes such as apple or pecan are acceptable, but really, nothing compares to the classic pumpkin.

Did I miss anything? I probably didn’t review the obscure dish that your grandparents bring every year and try to convince other people that it tastes good. (Don’t worry, my grandmother pickled watermelon rinds, and they lurked ominously in a jar on the table every year.) Regardless of what you end up having this year, I hope it’s enjoyable.