My heart races with apprehension and hope. Am I ready for this type of commitment? Am I ready to devote myself entirely to something like this? What if this all ends in tears?

To Hell with it. I have to do this.

Looking up from my keyboard, I glance up at the dauntingly bright screen.  I take a deep breathe. I’m ready. I am ready for the tears, the long late night hours, the possibility of everything I had hoped for to go horribly awry, for my heart to be on the line. But I know it’s worth it.

I drag my mouse over the florescent blue letters and click: “Register for the SAT.”

I recently signed up for the SAT for the first time and I couldn’t help but feel as if I were being set up on a blind date via an online website.

For two and a half years I remained in denial, enjoying my independence. I didn’t need an SAT score to make me feel intelligent or important or beautiful. I was a strong, independent high schooler who didn’t need no standardized test. But, after seeing all of my friends, so happy with their SAT scores, I felt a bit left behind. I felt almost lonely. So, I took the plunge. I decided to succumb to College Board’s wishes and meet a nice SAT proctor in my area, preferably with a steady job and family values. I signed up for the SAT.

When first creating my College Board profile, they first asked me for a username. I had to think of something that made me sound desirable, yet cool, intellectual yet fun. I had the perfect username: TaylorKnudson. It was sure to attract the attention of universities everywhere.

But then, things started moving a little fast.

They asked me for a photo of myself. Before I knew it, I found myself sending selfies to College Board. I threw up a peace sign or two, just so my SAT proctor knew what a tranquil and down-to-earth type of person I am. But, maybe that would make me seem TOO calm. What if they thought I was boring or dull? Perhaps I could flash a Westside sign. That way I could circumvent the irritating “where are you from?” section. I decided to go with the safe route and simply smile. According to the March edition of Seventeen magazines, boys love it when girls post more modest photos, as to accentuate their natural beauty.

Then we moved on to the personal information section. They asked for my home address, phone number, Social Security  number, credit card number. This was all one step from asking my idea of a perfect date, roses or hydrangeas, how many kids do I want, why I cheated on them with the ACT. Before you know it, my one test stand with the SAT will turn into a full blown divorce.

Now I understand why people stress for these types of exams.

I finished the rest of the questionnaire with a sad sense of inadequacy. They asked questions like “what sports do you participate in?” Being a heavily asthmatic, track-fearing, frequent Tumblr user, I found myself breaking a sweat scrolling down to the bottom of the question, looking for the “Does not apply, I do not participate in any sports” box. I almost felt as if the SAT registration was judging me. As if I wasn’t good enough to take it. But, I just trudged along, finishing the questionnaire and reaching the end of my journey.

By the end of my registration process I felt inadequate, violated and totally broke.

Having spent over $400  a week before on previous engagements with the AP tests, I found that my pockets (or more so my parents’) were as empty as Kim Kardashian’s mind.

The SAT added up to a grand total of over $60 . For $60 I could have bought an extravagant toaster, three copies of Snookie’s biography called “Confessions of a Guidette” or fifty –eight  items from the dollar store (don’t be fooled by the name, they add a store tax.).  But, no. I had to waste my (parents’) hard-earned paycheck on the SAT. They wouldn’t just settle with the regular SAT but I had to add on the writing portion as well. I began to feel as if the SAT only wanted me for my (parents’) money, not my brilliant sense of humor and dashing good looks like I had originally thought.

I was heartbroken. How could I be used like this? Why me? What had I done to deserve this? After my experience with the SAT I have realized that maybe all standardized tests aren’t as simple as I had thought. I had to be sure this would never happen again. I would not be let down like this for a second time.

I immediately opened another tab and googled “SAT prep course,” later adding the words “inexpensive,” then a “no seriously we’re broke” into the search engine.