Meet Ann Somnia. She’s sleep deprived. She has bags under her eyes that go down to her chin. But still, when her cell goes ‘beep’ she frantically grabs at her pocket for it and clicks a terse response into the keys. Remember a simpler time when night came and people actually took advantage of this situation to doze off? Take some time because it isn’t easy. There is an increase of students suffering like Ann Somnia. I can understand students’ confusion, for the public’s understanding of sleep is on a swift decline.

Allow me to clear up some common misunderstandings. Sleep is not a symptom of caffeine deprivation. Sleep is an unconscious, healing state in which the body cannot respond to texts. These days, people don’t sleep. My friends constantly complain about the pointlessness of night texts. They leave their cell phones on all night long, and wake up repeatedly to answer texts and various other phone calls. It seems like it’s impossible for the vast majority of adolescents to turn cell phones off before ‘hitting the hay.’ As a result, they never achieve true REM.

REM is a method the human body uses to repair tissues and bones, solidify memory, and strengthen the immune system. Contrary to popular belief, sleep isn’t a choice. Sleep is something people need in order to function. Without it students easily degenerate into unbathed, hairy hooligans forced to beg for food on the streets with sad little cardboard signs. I understand the desire to text in class, text with breakfast, text in the lunch line…But when you could be reaping the benefits of REM at night, why choose to stay awake simply to receive important messages like, “R U awak?”, “Y Rnt U text’n me bak?”, and “We shud chill this week’n, kk?” Although, I can see why meaningful messages such as this, would interfere with ones’ ability to shut down.

Tonight I challenge insomniacs to try sleeping using revolutionary methods such as silence, instead of listening to a cacophony of ringtones. Try out the cell phones ‘off’ button and discover a serene night of sleep without any chance of interruption. Bid Ann Somnia farewell and accept the fact that sleep really is more than a crummy substitute for caffeine.