What’s the freakiest part of Halloween in California? Costume shops turn it into an eye popper with their slutty costumes. All these stores ruin Halloween for girls once they become a teenager. Why their trashy costumes sell so successfully is a mystery to me.

Two different worlds exist in Halloween costume shops such as Party City. They are so close together in the store and yet their concepts are so far apart. One involves baby Strawberry Shortcake costumes, Hello Kitty party plates, purple sequin cowboy hats, and jumbo butterfly wings. The teenage girl section and above, consists of incredibly disturbing costumes such as naughty nurses, French maids, risqué cops, and kinky captains.

Appropriate dresses are a rare sight. Some costumes are expected to be slutty so it’s not as upsetting. Obviously French maids are going to be a little skimpy. However every costume that you think will be cute ends up five times tighter and shorter than you expected in stores. The Wizard of Oz costumes for teenage girls are completely distorted. A sassy version of the silver tin man with knee-high metallic boots simply looks wrong. Every adult Disney princess has been transformed into a prostitute for Party City’s benefit. Snow White looks like a drag queen and Cinderella appears to have had the bottom three quarters of her light blue dress shredded off by ravenous wild dogs.  

Still, despite all this I love Halloween. It would be a better holiday if people made their own adorable costumes instead of accepting slutty Halloween costumes. Picture this for your Halloween: teenagers scampering around in creative homemade outfits. Laid back students are wearing cardboard boxes and claiming to be microwaves just to get a piece of candy. There are groups of friends dressed up in tin foil jackets at Chipotle, and somewhere nearby there’s an array of unique costumes you will never see again. I’m almost finished making my Alice dress for Halloween, and it might end up looking a little silly but it will surely cover my thighs.