These past few weeks as people go to college, those of us who are grounded in Encinitas have to deal with saying goodbye. It may seem like an easy task to some, but having to let go of someone who has affected your life, even in the smallest ways, is easier said than done. Whether they just made you smile, entertained you with their corny jokes or played COD with you until the sun set and rose – anything of the past that seemed insignificant is now seen in a highlighted manner.
When you come to realize that these events won’t ever happen again, the fleeting memories of hanging out at the beach, eating burritos, shopping at the Forum, and watching movies are suddenly illuminated in your mind. Sometimes this realization makes people regret not appreciating the times spent. Sometimes people experience sadness for not doing something they should have done. But I must say on a personal level, these are things that I will and frankly, cannot, feel.
It is because I have come to realize this: that over time you will forget everything. The human brain may have functional capabilities that no technological device can surpass and the creativity that no machine can embody, but it’s still vulnerable to the erasing effect of time.
When those departing to college have packed up their belongings and left, you will forget the sound of their laughter, the wrinkles on their face, the smell of their hair. You will forget their favorite bands, their pet peeves, their bad habits. You will forget the conversations, the excessive texting, the lengthy calls. You will forget their presence, their shadow, the soft thud of their footsteps. You will forget the early mornings, the late nights, the sunrises, the sunsets.
The only thing you will be able to remember, though, is how you felt at the time. Whether it was the rush of adrenaline, the warm glow that encompassed your body, the cold chill that trickled down your spine or the pain you felt in your chest from the nonstop laughter. These are the things that are impossible to forget.
Being with them, there’s a special feeling that’s unclassified. It’s the type of feeling where your heart skips a beat. There’s an extra bounce in your steps. Suddenly waking up in the morning isn’t so dreadful. Where the 15 muscles in your face automatically contort into a smile – a stupid goofy grin plastered on your face – without you realizing it until you see yourself in a reflection. But at that point you don’t even care that you look like a dork because you are just too damn happy being with them. Jack London once said “the function of man is to live, not exist.” You don’t have time to overanalyze or dwell because you are too busy living.
I won’t deny that saying goodbye is difficult. The truth is that even these graduated seniors have left, you will still be thinking of them when their favorite song comes on the radio and that when you are out shopping you’ll be looking for things that they might like. And that you’ll be wary of meeting new people in fear that you’ll automatically judge them against the person you lost. And that you’ll miss their comforting hugs, their soft kisses, their sweet smiles.
I wish I knew more about life so I could offer a solution on placating this messy ordeal or special techniques to soften the blow. But there is no recipe you can cook up that could cure a lonely heart or a book of advice you could read to fill in the empty spaces of your life.
Saying goodbye is undoubtedly difficult, but what you need to know is this: The best things in life never last. Life is, in fact, ephemeral. Just remember that you were lucky enough to have shared a part of your life with them; their life with yours. That you were able to enrich their life in ways you never deemed possible; that they were able to bring more meaning to yours.
Dedicated to CD.