Vans Warped Tour’s a-coming and it’s time to get psyched for one of the biggest music festivals of the year, which takes place on June 19 at the Sleep Train Amphitheater. While you’re cutting up your angsty band shirts to get just the right shape of slouchy nonchalance, consider these tips and cautionary anecdotes to ensure that your Warped Tour experience remains untainted by dehydration and unwanted battle scars:

1. Skinny jeans and slip ‘n slides don’t mix. Many a soaked, skinny jean clad male has been seen waddling away from the slip n’ slide, only to be sad and chafed for the rest of the day.
2. It can be hot, so drink at least one bottle of water for every two bands you see or you will cry, faint, or be so cranky you’ll start to hate all your friends.
3. Don’t be cheap. You’re only allowed to bring in one homemade snack and it will not sustain you through the entire day. The food is very expensive, but it’s worth it to have enough energy to enjoy all the bands.
4. Alright chidlers, it’s story time. Once upon a time, let’s say last summer, a devoted journalist went to Warped Tour with her fun-loving mother. It’s not that she didn’t have friends, she did, she just liked hanging out with her mom too. Anyway, this daring reporter went up to the front of the crowd to take some pictures of the bands. When she returned to the middle of the mob, she found a storm of testosterone-fueled moshers flying straight towards her teeny tiny five-foot-tall mother.  She sprang into action, moving her mother out of harm’s way before the moshers could thrash any closer. The moral of the story is this: if you or someone you know cannot handle mosh pits, then when you hear a distorted guitar of any kind, it is safest to stand at the back of the crowd. If you manage to get yourself swept into a mosh pit by accident, don’t fight it. Let your body flow with the strange and sometimes frightening experience until you eventually get pushed or pulled out.
5. If you develop a fear of all things scream-o, take some deep breaths and go to the acoustic tent. Nothing bad can happen there. It is a magical little land where everyone sways in the shade.
6. Should you decide to bring a parent and he or she isn’t as cool as my mom, there is a Reverse Day-Care tent for parents with water and fans for them to cool off from all the good-natured frolicking that takes place at Warped Tour.
7. Go early. A lot of the bands with the early sets are fledgling stars who you haven’t heard of yet, but you’ll be glad you saw them when they get big enough to play Coachella and you can say, “Yeah, I was totally into them like a year ago before anybody else. I’ve already seen them, and they’re super rad. It’s whatever.”

That’s all I’ve got for you. Be merry and free and have a happy Warped Tour.