“American Horror Story” Season 6 Episode 3 Review

Episode three of the sixth season in “American Horror Story” began right where the previous had left off. Lee is a sad mother lamenting over the fact that her child is missing and, truly, it’s all her fault for keeping her daughter in an obviously haunted house. Also, the police were really mean even though the Flora is probably dead- no matter how much of jerk you are, when a kid is missing you have at least a little bedside manner.

After a thorough search of the woods Shelby, Matt and Lee stumble across several pig corpses combined with parts of Flora’s doll. Not a good sign. Even worse, the barn house that they discover is buzzing with flies and guess what’s in the barn? Two dirty little boys suckling from a dead pig’s nipples and, god, I’m never going to be able to forget the sound of them defiling that pig body.

The mystery behind these boys is that their family abandoned them and they reverted to savages in their absence- it’s kind of like “Lord of the Flies” but with actual flies. In the time that these kids’ parents abandoned them, they also apparently forgot how to speak English and didn’t realize that foraging in the forest that surrounds them is a really good alternative to drinking dead pig’s milk. There’s also no clear explanation for what happened to these kids. Were their parents killed by colonists? Why didn’t the colonists kill the kids? Did they force the kids to go crazy? If so why? What’s the point in making some farm kids go crazy? I think the writers were just trying to think of new gross things they could do with dead pigs.

Mason, Flora’s father, is pissed at Lee- and really who wouldn’t be? Your crazy ex wife kidnapped your daughter and then she disappears under mysterious circumstances. Lee messed up and the fact that creepy ghosts are messing with her isn’t helping. Also, the fact that Mason goes missing only to show up later as a sacrifice victim doesn’t help prove that Lee is innocent.

While everybody in the house is trying to figure out what to now, the idea of leaving the house is thrown around until a psychic named Cricket Marlow shows up and offers to ask the spirits where Flora is. All of a sudden Matt becomes a skeptic of all things paranormal- which make no sense because Matt saw the creepy ghost nurses and their unerasable “MURDE” written on the wall. With the help of Cricket, we get to see the backstory of the colony’s leader that Kathy Bates plays. After the ghost leaves he says he’ll charge $25,000 to find Flora, but seriously? You charge that much, but you’re stomping around in that discount bleached Party City wig? Nevertheless, Lee pays and it turns out Priscilla- the colonist ghost girl Flora befriended- took Flora in order to save her from the wrath of the colonist leader.

Next, the whole gang goes into the forest to confront the colonists and make deal with them. They agree that if everyone leaves the house they’ll get Flora back. Seems like it’s a fair trade because that house is haunted by nurses anyway. The breath of relief that came with the successful deal was broken when Shelby finds Matt… having sex with Lady Gaga in the forest? It’s weird and of course Matt doesn’t remember anything about it and Shelby feels betrayed- but really? Matt didn’t just hook up with some bottle blonde home wrecker in a motel. What Shelby saw was either an illusion or against Matt’s will. Shelby, feeling so betrayed by this, calls the cops on Lee for kidnapping Flora the episode before, and the episode ends with Lee being carried off by the police.

Tune in next Wednesday for episode four and see what the writers do next with the inexhaustible source of dead and/or abused pigs in this show.