How does a shepherd count his flock without falling asleep?
Skier: He drinks tea while doing yoga to keep his soul youthful.
Snowboarder: He drinks a lot of coffee.

Skier, I’m trying to understand your logic. I really am. I am trying to use empathy (What if it were me?) and put myself in your shoes to see how you might have come up with that answer. But I’m having a little trouble (maybe your shoe size is bigger than mine?) because I just don’t see how a shepherd can be counting and tea-drinking and yoga-ing and youthful-soul-maintaining all at the same time. What if in the midst of saluting the sun he spills hot tea all over his yogi self, and has to jump into the nearest body of water. (I don’t imagine shepherds live in modern civilization so the only accessible running water is a running river.) That will give the sheep enough time to flee the coop. (Sheep? Chicken? Whatever.) Or maybe they were planning a coup all along, Viva La Animal Farm and all that. Maybe we should pity the sheep having to roam grassy hills and be forcibly shaved all the time, stripped of their wool and dignity. Thanks for brining all this to light, Skier. You’re a voice for the voiceless. Plus 30 points.
Snowboarder, I think this is the answer. It seems so obvious now, I wonder why I didn’t think of it before? How can a shepherd stay awake while counting sheep (which is scientifically proven to cause instantaneous unconsciousness) without caffeine? Why do I even ask these silly people all these silly questions every issue when I could just ask you for the answer? I don’t even have to go to college, I’ll just bring all my educational inquiries to you. Now I can just stay home and eat snacks with my parents and watch TV. Thanks for helping me solve that problem, Snowboarder. Plus 150 points for all the thousands of dollars I’ll save.

Where does the white snow go when it melts?
Skier: It’s an issue of physics, light refraction and the such.
Snowboarder: The polar bears drink it up.

Skier, I was going to accuse you of using a bunch of big words and sciencey-science to confuse me (we all know that stuff makes me feel really out of my element – not that I know anything about those, either), but you’ve actually just helped me discover a path to true scientifical understanding. When explaining the logical answers to life’s important questions I will just sum it all up with a few smart-sounding words which will allow me to skip over the thinking/logic part and blindly accept random phrases as true fact. This will be helpful for explaining concepts such as pregnancy: “It’s an issue of life, babies and such.” If we use this format in schools to explain lessons, we would not only provide students with education but we would also cut down on school time by 90 percent, allowing students to go out into the world and apply the lessons they’ve learned so well. I mean, my class skipped over the whole sex ed unit in 9th grade health, and look where I am today! (Or don’t. I’m not sure what the implication would be.) Anyway, plus 500 points for all the lives you’ve improved with this great concept of educational reform. I’m sure someone somewhere will find it valuable.
Snowboarder, I know enough about science to know that that’s probably not true, but all that whimsical, childlike merriment and wonder is what we like to reward people for here at Surfer vs. Skater and Co. Nowadays it seems that there are just so many practical people doing boring stuff like science or being a doctor or math or being an accountant and just generally contributing to society. Although we can’t reward you with the money you might get from curing cancer/balancing someone’s budget, we can give you just as much pride and glory with 100 points!

How do you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
Skier: What goes up must come down.
Snowboarder: With an axe.

Skier, that’s not necessarily true. If I put my Economics textbook up on a shelf, I’ll probably never take it down to read it! Minus 100 points (that’s the total cost of your incorrect answer).
Snowboarder, your answer is so BLUNT. Wow. I’m so pleased with myself, that I’ll share the joy and award you with 50 points.

Skier: 300 points.
Snowboarder: 300 points.
It’s a tie! No one wins anything. Happy holidays.