Use your copy of The Mustang to make a ransom note. No one will suspect you of crime when you try to smuggle a stack of high school newspapers out of class.

You will need:

Step 1

Use your functioning brain to figure out how to obtain these necessary materials:

– A person who possesses something you wish to attain

– A prized possession or loved one of object number  one

-Pen or pencil

– Two pieces of printer paper

– Very sharp scissors

– Glue

– Two to three different issues of The Mustang

Step 2

Use your disregard for laws and lack of morality/empathy to

a. Steal the prized possession from the person who possesses that which you wish to attain.

Tip: Don’t get caught! If you are arrested, just remember that this is a joke article that encourages strict adherence to laws. If you are successful in your act      of theft: nice work. Move on to step three.

Step 3

Use the pen or pencil and scratch paper to write a note that will lure the victim of your theft to you.

Tip: A good formula to use for the note is “I have your [insert name of prized possession here]. Meet me at [insert name of shadowy place shrouded in darkness] with [name of the object in their possession you wish to obtain.]”

Step 4

Flip through your copies of The Mustang searching for letters to match your note. Use scissors to cut out letters.

Tip: Make sure to use a variety of different sizes and fonts. If you use too many similar-looking letters your recipient might realize that the note was made with copies of The Mustang and deduce that the sender goes to SDA! If they report this information to the police and you are caught, just remember the article you read was a joke. If you are successful: you’re a natural criminal! Move on to step five.

Step 5

Use the glue to stick the letters to the page.

Tip: Make sure to attach the letters in order, or else you won’t be creating a ransom note but a random note.

Step 6

Transport the letter to the person.

Tip: Have a friend deliver the letter. It will throw your victim off and lead him or her to believe your friend is the one stealing from them! This can prevent you from getting caught.

Step 7

Wait for success! Soon you will be enjoying second-hand riches, taken by force. What else is more gratifying?