If swearing is immature, why is it referred to as “adult language”?
Surfer: F**k you, bad question.
Baiter: Because it’s to show the immaturity of adults, therefore social Darwinism can take effect. If someone’s cursing, you’re like, “That’s an immature adult; I don’t want to have offspring with them.”

Good job, Surfer, for seeing through my plan: to make you use a bad word, so that I could get it published in the newspaper! F*******************! (The asterisks are curse words.) This is journalism at its finest! Plus 17 points, one for every asterisk in my very creative swear. Baiter, I’m disappointed that your idea of social Darwinism pushes free speech to the backburner in favor of natural selection. This isn’t the Galapagos Islands, this is America! U-S-A! F******************* yeah! (This time, the asterisks are the word ‘fudge,’ with some other toppings.) Your lack of patriotism makes me sad. Minus 14 points for the number of tears I shed.

What if Pinocchio said, “My nose will grow now”?
Surfer: It depends if he is lying or not. If he was lying then it wouldn’t grow, but if he wasn’t lying, then it would grow, and… It would just fall off. Maybe he’d realize he’s a toy and stop talking.
Baiter: He’d implode. That would be the end of Pinocchio.

Hold on, Surfer. We’ll try to sort through this together. If Pinocchio was lying about his impending nose growth, then his nose would grow… but then he would be telling the truth. But if he were telling the truth, then it would not grow, but then it would be a lie, so then it would grow but then it wouldn’t and… I’m confused. How about the nose falls off when Pinocchio implodes. Problem solved and 20 points for both.

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Surfer: Because beards are ugly and he’s sexy.
Baiter: Because when that jaguar was attacking him, it scratched him so much that he could never grow another beard again.

Surfer, have you looked at a picture of Tarzan in recent memory? I just did, and I really cannot see his appeal. What with the buggy eyes, overly pointy chin, Neanderthal brow, and cringingly skimpy loincloth, I am going to have to conclude that Tarzan is not exactly sexy. Minus 18 points for disagreeing with my idea of beauty… but to be fair, he does have a heart of gold, so I’ll give you back 8 points. Baiter, though I did just look up a picture of Tarzan, I actually haven’t seen the movie in many moons, so I’m not going to go against your recollection here. Full-on mauling and facial trauma in a children’s movie? That sounds right! Plus 23 points.

If two psychics are reading each other’s minds, are they reading their own minds?
Surfer: Both minds would converge into one, into the fifth dimension of the universe.
Baiter: Woah! No, there’s interference. It would be like a dead zone.

Now Surfer, I ain’t no fancy city slicker astrophysiwhatsits, but from my understanding, the fifth dimension is not a convergence of ESP, but actually an extra dimension that transcends the constructs of the physical three dimensions and the fourth dimension of time and relativity, unifying gravity with the electromagnetic force in accordance with the Kaluza-Klein theory, with speculations that it may house some graviton particles, partially explaining why gravity is far weaker than the other three fundamental forces. So, uh, minus 14 points for that one. (And a bonus 21 points for my favorite collaborative online encyclopedia!) Woah! Baiter! I had no idea that psychic minds were as spotty as cell phone coverage. Actually, that makes a lot of sense. A lot of sense. Very smart insight, Baiter, so I’ll give you 42 points for that.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Surfer: Whole loaves of bread so you wouldn’t have to share with anyone.
Baiter: Fishing!

Surfer, I know just how you feel, and I stand in solidarity with your bready desires. Are you a loaf hoarder too? Isn’t it so satisfying to hoard all the bread in your house and squirrel it away in your dresser, and then take it out when you’re all alone and gnaw on a few loaves under the covers, burning the crumbly evidence? No? Yeah, that’s really weird. Only a freak would do that. Uh. Here’s 8 points. Moving on. Aww, Baiter. That’s pretty cute. Plus 15 points.

Surfer: 36
Baiter: 86
Wikipedia: 21 points
Congratulations, Baiter, for winning, hook, line, and sinker.