If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Skater: What’s, like, a humanitarian?
Surfer: Vegetarians eat veggies because they don’t like meat touching their food, so when humanitarians eat food, they don’t like vegetables touching their humans.

Oh, the humanity, Skater! “What’s like, a humanitarian?” What’s like, minus 5,000 points for you? (Man, that was a good one.) And, Surfer, I had no idea that vegetarians didn’t eat vegetables because they hated meat contamination. Forget the moral objections to eating other animals or health benefits – it’s because all vegetarians function by the same food logic as picky 5-year-olds! Thanks for clearing that up for me. I was getting confused there. But minus 50 points, for taking away my ignorant bliss.

What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?
Skater: Uhh…. Someone dies. And another Justin Bieber is born.
Surfer: 68 years of bad luck. A cat is seven, ladder is 11, and a mirror is 50.

Hey, enough with the Bieb hate. This isn’t Surfer versus Skater; it’s more like Surfer versus Hater! Minus h-8 points for your hate. Surfer, you’ve once again shown your mathematical genius through a series of complex, calculus-level equations. I, for one, could not hope to solve the math you just dropped like it was NBD. Plus 68 points for them math skillz.

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs when bunnies do not lay eggs?
Skater: Cause eggs are steeze.
Surfer: Because an old folk lore of Easter is fertility and bunnies have babies and eggs equal fertility.

Eggs are steeze, Hater? Would that make the holiday Steeze-ster? Ha HA! Surfer, egg-celent answer! Your “yolks” made me slap my l-egg in amusement! He’s (egg)shelling out the jokes! What a (bun)knee slapper, even though I’m a Jew and I have a rabbi(t)! I mean, please(ter!) I’ll make it easy(ster) on you both and gift you 10 pts each. (ster)

What is the difference between “regular” and “fancy” ketchup?
Skater: I swear ketchup isn’t fancy. That’s like having a fancy, beat-up, ’74 Honda Civic or something.
Surfer: Doesn’t fancy ketchup come in packets?

Hey, Hater! I have a beat-up ’74 Honda Civic! You sayin’ it ain’t fancy? I’ll have you know, I have five cupholders! Minus 74 points. And 5 more for each cup you don’t get to hold! Surfer, if your idea of fancy is fake tomato paste that comes in plastic containers with a tear-top, then I suspect you think Snooki is a real class act! I guess you think this section belongs in the New York Times! Actually, that sounds like a pretty good idea. Plus 500 points for every word in my pending letter to the NYT editors. Am I right? Zing!

Skater: -5,097
Surfer: 528

Congratulations on a sweeping win, Surfer! There is no prize.